you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
