He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
