Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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