i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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