Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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