so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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