Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
