She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ok first of all what the fuck
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize