My friends, they love my intelligence
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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