1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
