man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
