Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
