Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
