oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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