I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
