yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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