I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
