Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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