i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
