Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize