So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
