I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
