Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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