I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize