I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
