i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
