i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
