it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
