I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
