dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
