if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and you fell through a lawn chair
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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