No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
