escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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