My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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