some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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