Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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