just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
