East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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