question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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