he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
