I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
