they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
