One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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