I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
