considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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