Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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