my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize