So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
