I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
