8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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