you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
