I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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