i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
