Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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