i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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