ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
