I didn't shave. On purpose
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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