JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They took my balls.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
