If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
