if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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