i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
