now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
