Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
