Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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