we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
