why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
